To once again be fully comfortable traveling without a slew of TBI (traumatic brain injury) - related precautions… such as avoiding staring at screens, wearing sunglasses, a silencing headset, and a neck brace; is a relief that most people will never grasp. And that’s okay. Life has taught me that the TBI recovery journey is inherently lonely and isolating, both due to its nature (an invisible illness) and its reality (the inability to partake in day-to-day activities).
Nine months ago to the day, I had no idea how dark and bleak the rest of 2023 would look for me. How hopeless I would feel until a hero named Dr. “Micky” Collins walked into my life in early September. Prior to that, in the four months immediately following the car accident, which as you can imagine were the critical months during which my condition was most acute, I tried every kind of traditional and alternative therapy possible for concussion. From sitting in hyperbaric oxygen therapy chambers for weeks on end, to neuro-vestibular rehab with a specialized physical therapist, to cranio-sacral work and weekly IV injections of glutathione, my improvement was limited and my hopes to return toa normal life were dwindling. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t socialize, and in the beginning, I couldn’t even walk outside because the sun’s glare would immediately send me into a dizzy frenzy. During that time, I also saw a concussion specialist at Stanford, considered to be a global leader in medicine, and came out of the 1hr appointment feeling unseen, unsupported, and misunderstood.
As shocking and depressing as it all was, and with the unwavering support of my closest friends and family, I fought on. I refused to accept the status-quo; the all too common medical narrative that there was no treatment for mild TBI and repeated consecutive concussions. Eventually, I was put in touch with a lovely young Canadian woman named Carly, who like me, had been the unfortunate victim of an accident and struggled for years (as is typical for most TBI patients) to get her life back on track. I still consider her an angel and a friend in my healing journey, since she is the one who told me about Dr.Collin’s concussion clinic at the University of Pittsburg Medical Center. She promised me that it was worth a try and that he had helped her turn her life around, allowing her to fully recover, something we both agreed sounds far-fetched for any TBI patient.
Between September and December, I traveled to Pittsburg twice for full 6hrs clinic days with the best and probably only, team of concussion specialists in North America. After each visit I started and completed 6 and 4 weeks respectively, of intense concussion treatment plans. The first 45 days stretch was the hardest because the treatment plan involved overriding my symptoms to reset the vestibular system in my brain. What this actually looks like is engaging in daily life activities, such as working, exercising and socializing, despite the painful triggering of my concussion symptoms (i.e.. dizziness, headaches, extreme fatigue etc…) When I returned to the clinic after the first 6 weeks of the treatment plan, I was already a more recovered version of my former self and was hailed by Dr. Collins and his team as their “poster child” for recovery. I had after all, given it my very best, to the point that I was physically and emotionally exhausted, but in a much better state brain-wise.
When I came home from that trip, covid finally caught me, and I was forced into quarantine and rest. As much as I had pushed through the treatment plan, my body needed those two sick weeks to process the enormous changes it had just undergone. I had literally gone from extremely restricted exercise (20mins on a stationary bike a few times a week) and an almost non-existent social life, to doing clinic-prescribed HIIT workouts 5 days a week and attending Ed Sheeran’s concert at the Levi’s 49ers stadium with 80,000 other people. All of that in the span of weeks. The team at UPMC was overjoyed and impressed by my success, and I pushed on for another 4 weeks after that, with a new and updated version of the same treatment plan to soothe out all remaining vulnerabilities in my vestibular system. December 7th, is the day that Dr. Collins declared me fully recovered, after 75 total days of applying his demanding and highly effective concussion treatment plan. Now a month later, I am on my way to Europe for atrip which I hope will help me reset and regain my unwavering confidence and love of life.
If you know me personally or have watched me grow and evolve over the years, you most likely know that I love engaging fully with life experiences and activities, whether it be riding horses, surfing, or traveling to remote and pristine wild places. Much of that light and enthusiasm, or “joie de vivre” as we say in French, was sucked out of me and absent last year. I was in survival mode for much of the year, and also grieving the loss of my soul dog, Henry. Yet here I am now, coming out the other side, finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of what has been a very long and difficult health journey.
The sun has set now over the Midwestern states we are currently flying over on the way to Paris, and I sense the beginning of a new dawn awaiting me when I land. Not just literally with the city surely bustling with life on a crisp Monday morning, but also the start of a new chapter for me. The post-TBI chapter that I can’t wait to live and tell you about. The pages of my book where I step into a new life, a new iteration of me that has endured and overcome so much on a physical level (3 concussions in 3 years is not exactly a record I am proud to hold). I’m looking for that smiling Clara who knows and remembers how sweet and mesmerizing life can be when you are open to her magic. I’ve missed her, and I’m going to look for her. After my time in Paris with family, I will be embarking on a solo adventure on the wild and sunny Portuguese coast; remembering who I am truly am, what brings me joy and feeds my soul. And I wish the same for you this year – that however you experience joy and pleasure in life, that you are able to find it and bask in the bright promise of a new dawn.
Blessings on your journey.
