2021 was one for the books: turning 25, becoming a certified mindfulness teacher, graduating from my Masters degree in spiritual psychology at Columbia University Teachers College, living in NYC and more… A few days ago, just before New Years, I moved home to Northern California with the intention of staying. I am allowing my roots to deepen and grow here, letting my heart be filled by the hug of community and my soul sing from being in Mother Nature’s constant presence. On paper like this, it might sound like a dream, and the vibrations are dreamy at times because I choose to cultivate them. Returning home to my studio apartment on my family’s ranch, I started redesigning my space in order to reflect the deep inner changes that unfolded within me over the past year. The intentions were clear: more zen, minimalist aesthetics highlighting where I’m going in the new year and what I am focusing on. It’s almost like you can tell you’re walking into an eco-conscious, spiritually-driven young professional’s home – funny how that works.
Now that I have explained a little bit about how I arrived at my external living situation for the new year, I would love to tell you about how I got there internally and what this is all for anyways. To be completely honest with you, I did not know that this is where I would be, just six months ago. Sure, in July 2021, I was almost done with my graduate program and had completed my yearlong training to become a mindfulness guide but more deeply than that, I had not yet grown past my own limiting beliefs on how I was showing up to be of service.
If there is one thing that this past year has taught me it’s that as humans living in a technologically-driven society where most people are present on at least one (if not four or more) social media platforms, we have become accustomed to comparing our reality with others’. I won’t go into all of the mental health consequences this trend is imparting on society but can speak for myself and say that for a very long time, I felt unworthy and “not good enough”. This is directly related to my business and public role on social media as not just the ambassador for my services but also the way I present myself and present my work. When there are always people growing faster than you are, teaching more online courses, reaching a larger audience and earning more money doing it than you, it quickly becomes depleting and demoralizing. I know that for a good part of the year, as my vision and mission evolved, I got caught in the cycle of comparison. Then something shifted and I began to embrace and fully respect my own sacred process of embodiment and evolution. As of today, I can’t tell you exactly what shifted nor when, but my intuition is whispering that the word “authenticity” has something to do with it. When I abandoned the idea of showing up the way that I thought people wanted me to show up as and let my circumstances (challenging ones for the latter part of 2021) guide me towards more transparency and vulnerability in my work, my inner radiance and confidence returned. Like claiming my own power back, things fell into place in my head which translated into my heart and my actions. You could say I fell in love with the unique process of coming into my own, speaking and sharing my work and purpose in this world, always for the benefit of all beings – aka inner work for outer change (the moto of my alma mater).
From this perspective now, I am not as scared of the commitment I have made to showing up fully and boldly to my purpose – to be a messenger and guide between humans, spirit and nature. A full-fledged entrepreneur, letting go of my comparative mental patterns has lit the path towards manifestation and abundance (topics I will be covering in upcoming blog posts). As always, the inner work is a continuous process and nothing is ever quite acquired but this is a lesson I am happy to carry forward into the new year, allowing me to continue courageously on the path to becoming a professional ecotherapist and internationally accredited life coach. In conclusion, trust your process and embrace this wild journey my friend.
